Theme #6: Burn
Rating: PG-13 (for death theme)
Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys.
Ugh. It ripped my heart apart to write it, but I am extremely depressed about the lack of YeWook nowadays which basically made me come up with this. I guess this is my… sort of warped coping mechanism.
He hears the door open, but he doesn’t turn, or speak, or do anything. He continues facing the wall, lying on his bed, as still as a statue.
“Yesung-ah, it’s hyung,” says the familiar voice. “How are you feeling?”
He doesn’t respond either, just stares blankly at the white patch of nothing in front of him.
He feels the bed sinking slightly next to him as Heechul sits down on it, next to his unresponsive back. Heechul’s thin fingers touch his shoulder hesistantly, then holds on tighter, but he still doesn’t move.
“I made ddeokbokki for you. Well technically Leeteuk did, but you can’t trust that man’s cooking, can you? I helped him make it better.”
At any other time he’d feel touched that Heechul, of all people, is actually trying to cook him something (even if the actual degree of involvement is negligible and limited to much shouting of instructions and complaints), despite the fact that the food may end up making Yesung feel just as bad physically as he does emotionally.
But now, he can’t make himself feel any gratitude at all.
“Aish… Yesung-ah, get up and eat something. You haven’t eaten properly for weeks now. If you want to kill yourself, there are better and quicker ways, and I will tell you how to go about it once you’ve eaten this ddeokbokki.” There is a tinge of irritation in Heechul’s voice now.
Yesung hears it, but doesn’t do anything.
“The plate is hot and it’s burning my hand,” Heechul announces sharply, after it becomes apparent that Yesung is not going to move.
Still nothing; Yesung is as still as if he’s been turned into stone.
Heechul snorts, and Yesung hears a clunk as he sets the plate down on the bedside table. He thinks Heechul is finally going to get up and leave, but then he feels Heechul twist his fingers into his shirt, pull him upright, and prop him against the headboard.
Now Yesung finally looks up, looks into Heechul’s face, and he thinks Heechul is about to shout at him, but before he can remain expressionless a single tear slides down his cheek.
At the sight of that, Heechul’s face softens, and he reaches out to wipe the tear away. At the feel of his fingertips brushing his cheek, Yesung doesn’t, can’t, hold it in anymore, and the tears come pouring out as he throws himself forward into Heechul’s arms.
Heechul doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, just sits there and holds him, because he knows how important it is for Yesung to cry, to grieve, to get it out of his system. Yesung has not shed a single tear since they got the news, not even during the funeral, not for the entire month after. Leeteuk and Hyukjae have cried themselves empty, and Sungmin cried so hard during the funeral he fainted, and even up till today Donghae cries every night in his room when he thinks everyone is asleep.
But Yesung has never cried until now.
So Heechul sits patiently (a rarity, for Kim Heechul is never patient), until Yesung’s crying has softened to hiccups and sniffles, and then he cups his friend’s face in his hands and lifts it away from his soaked shirt (and Heechul finds that he doesn’t care about that either). He gently smoothes back the hair plastered to Yesung’s face and cleans the tear marks with the heels of his hands, before carefully settling him against the headboard again and picking up the plate of ddeokbokki, now cold and congealing.
But Heechul still feeds Yesung nevertheless, spooning the spicy rice sticks into his mouth carefully, as if he were handling an infant. And Yesung eats everything that is given to him, slowly, but steadily, until all the food is gone.
“How was it?” Heechul asks, putting the plate aside and using his thumb to clean off a bit of sauce at the corner of Yesung’s mouth.
Yesung looks up at him, and his eyes brim with tears again. “It’s not as good as Ryeowook’s.”
Heechul somehow finds that he doesn’t mind Yesung saying that something of his isn’t good. “I know. I do miss him too, Yesungie. So much.”
And as Yesung once again burrows into his arms to cry, Heechul tilts his head back, blinking away his own burning tears.