Word count: 2,703
Summary: Yesung and Ryeowook get married. The members chip in one by one to 'help'.
A/N: Just... a really fail attempt at crack. Really, REALLY fail. Written for kayevelyn, who came up with the idea. I'm sorry Kate, I will make this fail up to you somehow. ;___; Thanks to blahnicity and oh_hesitate for
It was not a surprise to most of the members when Ryeowook and Yesung announced that they were getting married, but it did shock most of them when they insisted that they wanted to get married in an actual ceremony. With a church and a priest and "flowers everywhere!", or so Ryeowook said, with gleaming eyes and the biggest grin on his face, Yesung standing behind him and throwing his chest out like it was the best idea Ryeowook had ever had.
"That is not going to happen," Siwon said, looking scandalised.
"That is not going to happen in my church," Kyuhyun said immediately. "I still sing there."
"That is certainly not going to happen," Leeteuk said, appalled. "You're idols, for God's sake. You can't just walk out and go into a church and expect to be married by a priest. No."
"Hyung, I think that's the least of their problems if -" Siwon began, but Ryeowook looked at him, eyes wide and hopeful and pleading, and he deflated.
"I think you'll find that we certainly can be married in a church if we want to," Yesung said, rocking back and forth on his heels in an irritatingly smug manner; it made Leeteuk want to hit him.
"How? How?" he demanded.
Ryeowook snapped his fingers, and from behind Yesung, someone crept out, someone that none of them had noticed was missing from where they were gathered together: Henry, red in the face and arms held out in front of him in a conciliatory gesture.
Leeteuk stared at him, dumbfounded. "And your point is?"
Ryeowook smiled; it was a beautifully sweet, innocent smile on the surface, but there was a touch of steel behind it that sent shivers down the spines of everyone there, and Sungmin rubbed unconsciously at the gooseflesh on his arms. "Meet Henry," he said. "He's our ticket and guide to Canada, where, I am told, they will marry us in a church. And he'll find us a nice church, and a hotel, and be our legal advisor of sorts while we're there."
Leeteuk took one look at Yesung, glaring daggers at anyone who looked even the least bit hesitant about this plan, and groaned. "And who is going to tell the management about this, who is going to persuade them to let us go to Canada, who is going to plan everyone's schedules so that we're all free for this?"
Ryeowook smiled at him and leaned back against Yesung. "Why, you, leader, of course."
Siwon ignored Ryeowook and Yesung for the next two days. Not even Ryeowook making his favourite dish for six meals in a row could tempt him to so much as look in their direction.
Ryeowook cornered him in Hyukjae's room one day when he was visiting the dorm, and found him sitting on Hyukjae's bed, looking through the Bible disconsolately. Ryeowook's heart sank, but he sat down next to Siwon anyway, and Siwon looked up when he felt the bed dip.
"Oh, it's you," he said, and looked back down, thumbs flipping the thin pages.
"Hyung, I really need to talk to you," Ryeowook began, but Siwon held a hand up.
"Ryeowook, you know that God made man, and then He made woman, right?"
Ryeowook gulped. "Uh... yes?"
Siwon looked up at him. "Woman, Ryeowook. Woman. Not man." His eyes dropped pointedly to Ryeowook's crotch, and Ryeowook unconsciously clapped his hand over it.
"I - I'm a man," he said, feeling surreptitiously to make sure. Siwon creeped him out sometimes.
"That's the whole point," Siwon said, frowning. "You're a man, and so is Yesung-hyung, and - "
Ryeowook leaned forward and took Siwon's hands in his own. "Hyung," he began softly, "actually, Jongwoon and I were thinking of asking you to - well, would you like to be the one doing the reading of Scripture passages? During the ceremony?"
The look on Siwon's face could not have changed more drastically if Ryeowook had just told him he wanted to be a priest, or something. He literally glowed with fervour, and Ryeowook snatched his hands back, leaning a little backwards and away from the bright glow.
"Me? Me, Ryeowook, doing the readings?"
"Yes," Ryeowook said, wondering if he'd done the right thing by suggesting this.
"I would love to," Siwon said fervently. "I will pick the best passages for the both of you."
Ryeowook grinned. "I knew I could count on you, Siwon-hyung."
When he left, Siwon was still bent over the Bible, muttering under his breath about find that passage about love and faithfulness, yes and oh that one where the wife must obey her husband, yes, and adultery is a sin, i ought to remind them, yes.
Perhaps it wasn't the best idea Ryeowook had ever had, but at least Siwon's presence was guaranteed.
"Please please hyung please pretty please and I promise I won't lose it and I will keep it safe and - "
"I said no, Donghae!"
"But hyung I want to do something for you and Ryeowook and I don't know what else I can do and I would love to do this and it would be an honour and - "
"Donghae," Yesung snarled. "This ring cost half my house. You are not going anywhere near it, much less be our ring bearer."
Donghae was almost hopping by now, urgency exuding from every pore. "But it's not fair that everyone gets to do something while I don't and you need a ring bearer, don't you, and - "
"No!" Yesung roared. "You will do something silly and lose it, I know you will."
Donghae's eyes were glistening with tears by now, but Yesung stood firm, until Ryeowook sighed and piped up. "Just let him do it, Jongwoon."
Yesung could only stand, head drooping, as Donghae yelled in happiness and grabbed the ring box, brandishing it in triumph. He was stopped, however, when Ryeowook got up and firmly prised the box out of his hand.
"You'll only get it on the wedding day, hyung," he said, and Donghae pouted but gave in.
Heechul flounced into Yesung and Ryeowook's hotel room, the first night they were in Canada, and announced that he would be in charge of decorating the church.
Yesung was about to say that he'd rather leave the church bare than allow Heechul to decorate it, but before he could speak, Ryeowook was on his knees on the bed, looking up at Heechul with shining eyes and squeaking, "Flowers? Flowers everywhere, hyung? Lots of flowers?"
"Yes, yes," Heechul said indulgently. "Every flower you can think of, I'm going to fill the church with them."
Ryeowook laughed and hugged Heechul in thanks, and that was it. Yesung couldn't say no.
But when Heechul was gone, Yesung said to Ryeowook, "Are you sure we should let Heechul-hyung do it?"
"Because now I'm having visuals of the church being completely covered in pink crepe paper or whatever you call those things. It will be ugly and obnoxious and an eyesore, Ryeowook, and it's our wedding."
Ryeowook shrugged. "Well, I don't mind pink."
Yesung shut his eyes and hoped for the best.
Kangin had somehow appointed himself chief tailor for Yesung, while Kibum was tasked with helping Ryeowook pick out a suit.
Kibum complained all the way. "I do not appreciate having to go shopping with Ryeowook, he never stops!"
Kangin and Yesung, on the other hand, were having fun; Kangin had insisted on being Yesung's best man ("A ceremony like this does not require a best man!" Leeteuk had shrieked, but was shot down by both of them), and they were indulging their vanity by parading in front of each other in a myriad of different suits. Ryeowook, at the other end of the posh little boutique, couldn't resist sneaking looks at Yesung every once in a while - though he did veto the horrible royal purple suit with the frilled shirt and cuffs.
"How's this, Kibum?" Ryeowook asked for what Kibum thought was the umpteenth time. He was lounging on a couch in front of the changing room, sipping at tea and trying not to yawn.
"The previous one," he interrupted. "That one is nicer."
"Really?" Ryeowook asked doubtfully. "But in that one the collar was - "
Kibum set his cup of tea down with a loud clack. "Ryeowook," he said, almost growling.
"You would look good in anything, dammit. Can you just get that suit I told you to get and go?"
"But it - "
"The pants are tighter and show off your legs and ass better, and Jongwoon-hyung will love it," Kibum said loudly, and it gave Ryeowook pause for thought.
He bought the suit Kibum selected, in the end.
Ryeowook became extremely suspicious when Shindong, Hankyung and Hyukjae began locking themselves up in a hotel room for hours on end, sometimes not coming out even for meals. That set red flags off in his mind, because since when did Shindong skip meals?
He borrowed the key to their room from Leeteuk (he had insisted on keeping the keys to everyone's rooms, to prevent Yesung from getting his hands on them and slipping into their rooms to touch their faces, especially when he was so near his marriage date), and slipped quietly inside when he knew they'd be in there. He wished almost immediately, though, that he hadn't, because God knew he had no desire to see any of them in skimpy ballet leotards and tank tops, much less all three at the same time.
"What the fuck," he said aloud, and the three of them jumped; Hyukjae punctuated it with a high-pitched girly shriek which, considering the circumstances, was rather apt.
"Ryeowook!" Hankyung yelled, trying to hide behind Shindong, who was pulling at the comforter on the bed and trying to shield them behind it. "What are you doing here?"
"I think I should be asking the three of you that!" Ryeowook snapped. "What's with the ballet outfits?"
It turned out that the three of them, desperate to do something for Ryeowook and Yesung, had hit upon the idea of dancing at the wedding, since dance was something they all did well. But Hyukjae had pointed out that popping and hip thrusts would not be quite appropriate at a wedding, and Hankyung had offered to teach them some ballet.
"So that we can, you know, twirl and whirl like pretty swans at the ceremony," Hankyung said, his eyes shining, and Ryeowook suppressed a shudder.
"Hyung," he began, and three pairs of eyes looked up at him. "Hyung, I appreciate the thought, but... you don't have to do anything."
"What?" Shindong said, stunned.
"Really, you don't need to. I don't want you to," Ryeowook said firmly, and he would have felt bad at the dejected faces if he didn't have visions of the three of them prancing about in ballet costumes in the church.
"But... we want to," Hyukjae said. "We feel bad, everyone has something to do but we just..."
Ryeowook crouched down next to him and took his hands in his. "Hyung," he said softly, "I'm happy as long as the three of you are there with me."
Sungmin barged into their room the night before their wedding with a face like thunder, and Yesung took one look and groaned.
"What is it now?" he asked wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose; he'd only just managed to persuade Heechul to use only pale pastels in the decorations and flowers, and to lay off any red or shocking pink. He was tired, and not in the mood to deal with an obviously mad Sungmin.
"You asked Kyuhyun to sing with Zhou Mi," Sungmin hissed, jabbing Yesung in the chest; Yesung flinched back.
"I did," he said. "Or, well, I asked Kyuhyun to, and Zhou Mi came later and asked to sing a duet with him."
"And you got Henry to play the violin."
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
Sungmin frowned. "I can't believe you asked them to sing for you, and not me! What kind of a friend are you? Have you not heard of KRYS? Or KRYZS? I can sing just as well as any of you, hyung! Where do you get off leaving me out of this?"
Yesung blinked at him. "Well, you never asked."
"I am asking now," Sungmin snarled, and in the blink of an eye Yesung found himself face-down on the bed, Sungmin straddling him and his arms twisted backwards at an impossibly painful angle.
"Sungmin - let go of - ouch!"
Sungmin dug one knee viciously into the small of his back. "I am asking now, hyung. Nicely."
"Fuck you, all right, you can sing with Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi, just let me go, for fuck's sake -"
Sungmin released him, and he flipped over onto his back, wincing. "You could have broken something, and it's the day before my wedding!" he yelled, and Sungmin merely grinned at him, all wide sparkling eyes and adorableness.
"I've changed my mind, actually, I don't want to sing anymore," he announced, and Yesung blinked at him.
"What are you playing at now, Sungmin?"
"I'd rather play the piano to accompany them, I think," Sungmin said. "It would sound good with Henry's violin too, wouldn't it?"
"God, do whatever you want," Yesung snapped, throwing an arm across his eyes, and Sungmin bounced out of the room, leaving a very bemused and bruised Yesung behind.
Ryeowook was shaking when he and Yesung arrived at the church, and Heechul leaned over as he got out of the car and gave him a quick squeeze.
"Nervous?" he asked, and Ryeowook nodded.
"Only because we don't know what you did with the decorations," Jongwoon interrupted, and Heechul elbowed him in the ribs before leading them in.
But it was classy - very classy, yellow roses and white lilies at every pew and in every corner. No alarmingly large signs, no obnoxious "Jongwoon loves Ryeowook" hearts, nothing even near pink. The only thing that looked out of place was a stand of flowers behind the podium where Siwon would be for the readings, a huge confection of red roses and ribbons that was completely at odds with the understated hues Heechul had used.
"What in the world is that for?" Ryeowook whispered to Heechul, taken aback.
"I decided this wedding needed something bright and exciting and loud. To, you know, symbolise your sex life, which is pretty much loud, by all accounts."
Ryeowook blushed almost as red as the roses.
Siwon was near tears by the time he finished reading the famous passage from 1 Corinthians 13:4, and was blubbering when he stumbled back to his pew; Hankyung put a comforting arm around him, and Heechul got up from his place next to Hankyung to sit next to Siwon and hold his hand.
It didn't take long for Hyukjae to start crying, either, and Donghae would have held him if he wasn't standing next to Yesung as the ring bearer, so Kibum, looking thoroughly like he didn't want to do it at all, wrapped his arm around Hyukjae's shoulders, and allowed him to weep all over his new suit.
Leeteuk was crying on and off throughout the whole ceremony, sitting next to Kangin and holding his hand tightly, and when Donghae finally handed the rings over with a proud I-didn't-lose-them smile, he started wailing, and Kangin had to clap his hand over his mouth.
Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi sang, their voices soaring beautifully, weaving with the strains of Henry's violin and the notes of Sungmin's piano, and when Ryeowook sneaked a peek at them there were tears in Zhou Mi's eyes as well; Sungmin stopped for a quick second to reach up and brush them off with his thumb before resuming playing.
When Yesung finally kissed Ryeowook, the church erupted into applause, and when Ryeowook pulled away, the first thing he saw were the other members, clapping and cheering and hugging each other, Leeteuk still dabbing at his eyes but smiling.
In Yesung's and Ryeowook's books, it was a perfect wedding.