see, i can overlook people calling me cray cray or insane, because i am! i admit it, i am.
but when people started accusing me of being so bad that people had to DELETE AND MOVE LJS, that was when i honestly thought i wanted out of this fandom, because i mean seriously? did people really dislike me this much? i eventually got over it, and thought to myself like "ah, just ignore it". i never wanted to BOTHER to defend myself, but now this shit is getting way out of fucking hand and i need to say my piece.
a lot of people DID delete LJs from my flist, but FOR FUCK'S SAKE OFC YOU WILL ALL JUMP TO STUPID CONCLUSIONS, RIGHT? a lot of them actually switched LJs for whatever reason and told me about it and had me add them on their new ones. before i did my f-cut (BECAUSE of all the wank i was getting), i never bothered clearing those struck-out names from my profile because i was just lazy. so yeah at one glance maybe it did look like a lot of my friends were gone, but most of them actually just switched and TOLD ME. please, some perspective here. i don't have this much ~*~power~*~, like you all love to go on about on kpsm2.
second thing. some of them did leave without a word. like noel and haneul, i really miss them and wonder where they went. idk whether they left because of me, or for other personal reasons, but in any case, if you don't know for real, don't fucking lay the blame at my door?
third. some of my friends left because they left fandom entirely, like ceri. and these are people i am still in touch with, even if i don't talk to them often nowadays.
fourth. i KNOW there are people who left and switched LJs without telling me, but there are just two that i know of, and they are the ones whom i can only assume left because of "my stanning". well you know what? these people were people i thought of as friends. i've even met one of them in RL. i thought we liked each other. it disappoints me that they did this, but it's their choice, and i'm not going to pressure them to add me back, or confront them about leaving without telling me. if they had a problem with me, they should have said it to my face. i'm a fucking adult, it's not something i can't take lying down. i think it says a lot more about them, than about me, if they were willing to drop me and go without telling me what is the problem. i treasured our friendship. they apparently didn't. or at least, couldn't accept me for who i was enough to continue on being friends. which is fine, whatever, it's their choice.
regarding my "cray cray stanning": i am the first person to admit that i stan hard, really hard. but am i hurting anyone by doing this? as far as i know, i don't think so. i'm not putting a knife to anyone's throats forcing them to love ryeowook or yewook. i'm not going around telling people "oh so you ship ____? PLEASE YEWOOK IS SO MUCH MORE REAL AND BETTER, SHIP THEM INSTEAD". i am essentially doing nothing more than having fun and flailing on my own or sometimes with other people. does it hurt people so much? if so, then maybe you've got the wrong hobby.
and then all the posting of my tweets and shit on the meme: i can overlook that. twitter's a public domain, it's cool. even though my tweets are now locked, if you want to use my tweets to wank on me, whatever. i put them out there anyway.
but when you bring my bf into this, you're out. fucking out. bring my bf or family or any of my rl people into this, PLEASE, GO DO THE WORLD A FAVOUR AND HANG YOURSELF. this is so fucking low that i don't even know how to express how low this is. go die in a fucking fire, seriously. my bf has NOTHING to do with my fandom life (beyond paying for my shit - and btw, he did buy me the ticket to the singapore showcase, moron), dragging him into this crap i'm caught up with, on stupid anon memes, with stupid anon fucking wankers who don't have the balls to say this to my face, is LOW.
and to address this as well: http://kpopsecretmeme2.livejournal.com/82424.html?thread=805892600#t805892600
for the sake of ever-loving fuck. i would NOT let something like otps get in the way of friendship. do any of you idiots know how many strongly yewook-biased people i have on my f-list? THREE. out of 80. that includes kate, btw, which just goes to show how easily people can jump to conclusions without knowing either kate or me. the rest all ship other otps, and idgaf about it. but this is besides the point. the point is that kate has disappeared for THREE MONTHS. texts, pms, emails and calls to her have all gone unanswered. even ela, who's her best friend, hasn't been able to get hold of her for three months.
we are now so worried, we're contacting friends to see if they can go and look for her at her address, to find out if she's okay, and we're really dreading what we'll find out. but you bastards HAVE to twist this into being MY fault, do you? my friend may be having serious serious problems, and all you can think is "oh, she was probably chased away by thundersquall"? FUCK YOU. that is downright fucking cruel. use your fucking brains, if you're equipped with any, and think about the person and what could be up with her instead. not everything revolves around LJ, not everything is fandom-related, and people do have lives.
everyone keeps telling me not to leave fandom or these people will "win". you know what? this isn't about winning or losing. this isn't a fucking competiton. i could have carried on and ignored anything else, i've already ignored fucking months and months of unwarranted and unsubstantiated wank, but this is my LIFE. i'm an actual human person with emotions doing my own thing and having my own fun behind the computer. if it is SO HARD to do that without getting judged for every step i take and every word i say, lol, i'm fucking out of here. i suppose you people will have a field day about my "drama queen" tendencies with this, good for you. have a nice fucking life, people.